Tonight I fed Ruth the late night feeding. Right or wrong, Brian and I give Ruth a bottle around 10:30 or 11 to get her through the night. She usually doesn't wake up and it is a nice time to hold her close and think.
Tonight as I fed her I thought back about the events of the day. Ruth and I went to a trendy neighborhood of Atlanta to have lunch with two of my friends from OU that I recently reconnected with via facebook. These two girls are prettier now than they were in college, and skinnier too. As I listened to their exciting lives (Giselle just recently got married and still dances with a ballet company; Jessica has been living and dancing in New York for the past 7 years) I felt ever so plain. My life hasn't taken the same risks they have nor has it held the same glamour and fame. Both girls are so very pretty (and skinny, did I say?) with their long, healthy hair and clean skin. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous of their youth (they are younger than me since I was a graduate student when they were in undergrad) and their hipiness (meaning: being hip).
I had to drive around to find a place to park and got to see the cute houses and shops in the neighborhood and was reminded how much I loved living in much the similar, although smaller, surroundings in Little Rock right after undergrad. Staying out late and hanging out with friends was common. I had to park a few blocks from the restaurant and hauled out my bag, a diaper bag, a portable highchair (who knew if this cute restaurant would have high chairs) and the stroller. I felt a little out of place as I walked past bungalow houses and budding tulips. Ruth, of course, did great at lunch allowing us to talk as she entertained herself with cheerios and Debbie the Duck.
As Ruth and I drove home in the rain and farther away from the city and to more trees and less noise, I realized how entrenched I am in suburan life. And I realized that although I need to lose weight, if I had to stay this same size in order to keep Ruth, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash before saying yes.
After feeding Ruth tonight I put her on my shoulder to cuddle a moment before putting her back in the crib. Her warmth radiated into me. I listened to her snore and felt the small little arms draped across my neck and I thought, "I am so lucky." Pointe shoes may no longer be a part of my daily wardrobe and the big stage and bright lights things I read about and see in movies, but my life is very glamorous. I am the star in this anything but plain life that has a wonderful leading man and the best sidekick. Others may see my life as boring and predictable. I see it as a gift and a blessing.
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3 comments:
Well said, Natalie! I'm sure you have just voiced what so many mothers feel. Though we sometimes wish we could slip back into that "other life," it is so very clear when we partake in the amazing new dimension of love in our lives (in the form of silly, wiggly, challenging, yet wonderful babies) that we are exactly where we are supposed to be! You may be in a different season of life, but you are still radiantly beautiful...and a wonderful mother.
My sentiments exactly! You are the star...that little girl thinks the WORLD of you, and to her, no one will ever measure up to you! So join me in the "I'll probably never get to my pre-preg weight, but she was worth it" club!!! Keep the beautiful pictures coming!
Natalie, you are a lucky girl! Not only are you beautiful and gifted, but you have your priorities right. Your wonderful husband and beautiful daughter will be there for you long after the lights dim, the fame fades, and the wrinkles come. Savor the moments.
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