Alone, alone, alone

Brian and Ruth just left for a four day weekend in Virginia with Brian's family. I had told Brian back in May that I wanted a weekend before the next baby comes by myself to be me. To clean, to sew, to do whatever or nothing. But now that the weekend is here, I must admit I am looking at the next four days as a sentence rather than as a reprieve. As Brian was loading Ruth into the truck everything inside me said, "Tell him to wait. To give you 30 minutes to shower and throw clothes in a bag." At that very moment Brian asked if I had changed my mind and wanted to go. But the voice that escaped my mouth said, "No, I have things I need to get done."

This is the first time I have been away from Ruth for more than a few hours. I have been looking forward to this weekend for some time. But how can someone want to be away from the sweet, precious, funny Ruth? I am also scared that something will happen to her without me watching her. It isn't that I don't trust her father, although he isn't as cautious as I am with her. It is just that I can't control what happens. Of course, thinking I control anything while she is in my sight is also silly. But still.....

Please remember them in your prayers. It is long six hour drive without a baby. And anyone who knows Ruth knows the fits she can throw. Also, if you haven't voted yet, but sure to vote. July 30 will be here before we know it. Now if only Sunday would be here quickly.